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Do You Really Understand Just How Abusive Your Ego Is?
Let’s look at the analogy of your ego – as if this
part of you was a separate individual.
Would you stand in front of someone while they were delivering
a whole heap of unhealthy, insane, abusive, damaging and disgusting
versions of you and your life and listen to it? The healthiest
thing you could do is say, ‘I’m not listening to you’,
disconnect and carry on with whatever you’re doing in
the now.
There is absolutely no need for you to accept another’s
version of you and your life unless you choose to stand there
with them and take it on. If you know who you are, there’s
no need to try and convince another person who you are and what
you stand for. If they don’t get it and don’t want
to, it really is none of your business.
Understand if you stand there and argue with an abusive individual,
you get damaged. If you do this, you have serious problems with
setting boundaries.
Know that your ego is every bit as abusive as another
damaging individual.
If you have a ‘fight with yourself’ you’re
trying to justify yourself to your ego and convince it you aren’t
this person, you don’t have these fears, you don’t
have doubts and you really are capable. Your ego loves this because
it will trick you into thinking that you can win the argument,
that you can convince it and resolve the issue, and that you will
receive peace after having this struggle with yourself.
This is so untrue!
Your ego will keep coming back at you again and again, and just
like any abusive person
who simply won’t get it, wants to project fears and doubts,
and not find peace within, the argument will continue to resurface
and will never be healed.
Think about this – how exhausting is it trying to argue
and justify yourself with a person who is continually abusing
you? If you don’t disconnect and get away from them, you
eventually give in and start agreeing with their version of you
just to get some peace.
Inevitably if you keep hooking into your ego you will end up
doing the same thing. Eventually you will be so worn down
that you will accept and agree with the inner dialogue of ‘I’m
worthless and a failure’.
This is what depression is…
Society’s concept of ‘ego’ has often been recognition
of arrogant and bombastic behaviour. How many people realise this
constructed false self is a cover-up for the painful torturous
thoughts and feelings of unworthiness that the world doesn’t
see?
Be very clear that the ego is also responsible for people who
display insipid and power-less behaviour. The ego creates all
‘less than’ human behaviour. Your ego is your greatest
problem in life. There truly is no fight going on outside of you.
The only enemy is within.
Ego – the Ultimate Self-sabotager
Our ego is the part of our personality that loves manufacturing
‘less than’ experiences. Our ego feeds on fear, doubt
and pain. The more we attach ourselves to our ego thoughts, the
further we move away from our soul truth.
Be very clear – your ego is not the real you!
It is the polar opposite of who you really are, but it is not
your True Self.
Our ‘dark side’ is ego. Our ‘light side’
is True Self. We can only manifest
love, happiness and success when we are operating from our
True Self. We will always manifest recurring pain from our false
self.
To Experience ‘Light’ We Must Know the ‘Dark’
Of course we have to know darkness in order to know the Light,
and it is only through conquering the darkness (fear) that we
can move into the Light. The entire physical plane consists of
polar opposites: good/bad, hot/cold, up/down and so on. We wouldn’t
know ‘good’ if we weren’t exposed to ‘bad’.
When we understand that our ego is a false self, we need to know
how to get out of the darkness and stay out as much as possible.
Simply knowing our ‘dark side’ (false self)
exists is enough to grant us comparison and choice. We
do not need to live this reality directly in order to choose a
loving and happy state. The more you subdue and dissolve your
ego, the freer you are to experience a wonderful life.
Your Ego Is Never Satisfied
We know ego wants resolution on its own terms and
isn’t content to accept the version of higher truth that
our True Self embraces so easily. We’re given free will.
It’s our choice as to which version of the truth
we connect to, and there are profound differences with these truths.
Your ego always wants to re-hash and
replay the past scenarios. This is a very clever trick of
the ego because it makes you believe that by rethinking the pain
you’ll get some answers. Your ego tells you this is a necessary
process. Your ego loves to judge situations as ‘right’
or ‘wrong’ and takes matters very personally.
However, doesn’t our experience of this version of ‘the
truth’ that keeps us stuck in the past, and the continual
turmoil it brings to our entire life, keep delivering pain? We
know, oh so well, this simply does not work in relation to who
we want to be and where we want to go.
Yet our heads continue to analyse something to death, coming
up with thirty different realities (none of which stick or bring
us any peace). And we keep doing it over and over again, cementing
our fears, our ‘less than’ belief systems and subsequent
negative DNA programming deeper into our lives.
We don’t move on, we don’t create new positive experiences
on these issues, and even if we temporarily did, it’s likely
that either consciously or subconsciously we’ll sabotage
it and end up back at square one again. Our ego clings to injustice.
Perceiving injustice keeps creating injustices in our life, and
may keep recreating it for centuries.
Your True Self ‘Gets’ Ultimate Reality
True Self resonates and feels at peace with the issues.
This is discussed in detail in our Divine
Connection & Meditation Course.
True Self knows on a heartfelt level that painful experiences
produce amazing opportunities for healing and evolution. It understands
the concept ‘it is what it is’, and removes all personalisation
and judgment from the experience. True Self knows that breakdowns
create breakthroughs, and there’s always a gift in the situation.
True Self has no need to replay the incident over and over again.
True Self goes forward, resolved, and takes the learning with
peace and empowerment into the now. Our True Self embraces resolution
and encourages us to make self-loving adjustments. Adjustments
(rather than actions of ‘injustice’) work with regard
to who we truly are, and what we truly want to experience.
Your Self-Management Decision
You have a choice:
You can choose to embrace the True-Self version, or you can attach
yourself to the obsessive painful version that your ego tricks
you into re-creating.
These are the outcomes of your decision:
- You evolve and heal, clear the issues and start enjoying a
liberated reality of this previous less-than
belief system, or
- You cement yourself further into the pain and attract more
of the same pain over and over again.
So what are you going to decide?
Are you going to rise up into empowerment, or are you going to
remain a victim?
Decide now, because the decision is yours and no one else’s.
Identifying the Difference between Ego and True Self
It is really easy to understand what your ego is and what True
Self is.
Trust your body:
- Your ego supplies you with feelings of constriction, pain,
obsession, fear and severe dis-empowerment. Your energy
levels drop and you feel tired, anxious and overwhelmed. Because
your thoughts are focused on past pain or future fears you are
significantly disabled in the moment. You feel needy
and anxious.
- Your True Self (your natural state of being) supplies you
with feelings of calm, peace, happiness and clarity. Because
you are in the Now, you are functional, creative and
expansive.
Identifying If You are Attached to Your Ego
The following quiz will not be effective unless it is done with
honesty. To experience authentic love, success and happiness,
there is a real need to drop defence mechanisms and confront ourselves
squarely. This is the only way through to freedom – which
can only occur if we work hard at dissolving the ego.
Ask yourself –
- Do you think and feel that outer life needs to deliver you
‘things’ in order for you to be happy?
- Do you struggle to take responsibility that you have created
the aspects in your life that haven’t worked?
- Do you blame people and situations outside of yourself when
things go wrong?
- Do you often feel needy and try to make things happen in
order to feel better?
- Do you have trouble accepting other people’s opinions
and viewpoints?
- Do you struggle to be vulnerable and real around other people?
- Do you believe your happiness is dependent on how other people
see you or what you have?
- Do you find it difficult to encourage and grant other people
compliments?
- Do you employ competitive behaviour and feel envious and
jealous of other people that may have or experience things you
don’t?
- Do you fear that people who love you can hurt you or control
you?
- Do you struggle to maintain peace, harmony and co-operation
with people?
- Do you have trouble trusting people and situations –
and expect people and life to act in ways that are ‘wrong’?
- Do you put on a front around other people so that they may
like you?
- Do you often look at life as ‘what can I get’
rather than ‘what can I give?’
- Do you think that you are ‘on your own’ in life?
- Do you feel defensive when confronted with issues?
- Do you judge negative things that show up in your life and
have trouble understanding the gift?
- Have many of your problems been replaying the same themes?
- Do you struggle to take responsibility with humility when
you make a mistake?
Results
15 or over
Your ego is running your life. You will be experiencing great
feelings of separation from happiness and other people. You
are extremely self-critical and self-judgemental (fearing other
people might see this), and have to put in a lot of work to
love and embrace yourself. It is likely that you experienced
a hard and painful childhood.
You may have undergone many painful repeat events in your life.
To amend this self-work
and self-healing is fundamental. Nothing will change until
you do.
10-14
Even though you may experience some ‘wins’ in your
life it is likely that these will be transient. Your life may
be a roller-coaster of feeling good then feeling extremely disappointed
when life isn’t delivering you what you believe it should.
It is time to release your need to ‘make things happen’
and work on your self-healing
enough to ‘allow things to happen’. It is necessary
for you to learn how to embrace and love yourself.
5-9
Judgement of self, life and others is blocking you from reaching
your full potential. By learning how to love and accept yourself
and by taking responsibility that you create every incident
in your life ‘as a gift’ - you will be able to improve
your life.
1-4
You are human, and as such may still struggle at times with
your ego. Even though you have an ability to let go and trust
the processes of life, you may wish to dissolve the last pieces
of your ego to truly become a divine creator of love,
success and happiness.
0
If you are consistently holding this space of self-reflection
and responsibility for every creation in your life – you
are truly blessed with an abundance of authentic love, success
and happiness. Congratulations! Share this example to others
and be a shining light healing the separatism of humans to wholeness,
love and oneness. The world needs people like you!
Copyright
© 2007 Melanie Tonia Evans. All Rights Reserved.
This
article is an excerpt from the books,
"Breaking The
Chains of Painful Love" and "Take
Back Your Power" by Melanie Tonia Evans.
Procedures
to dissolve the ego are described in the book Take
Back Your Power.
Article
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